Celma's Proposal Paragraph

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Celma's Proposal Paragraph

Post  Celma2010 on Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:30 pm

Suu Oct 10, 2010.

Proposal Paragraph
By: CELMA P. BERNARDO

The Ramos family is a very conservative family that seems to be happy. There are six in total, the father Mr. Anthony Ramos who is a successful business man, the mother Jacqueline Ramos who is a kinder garden teacher,and their two daughters Clotilde, Carla and two sons Nelson and Anderson. Mr. Ramos is a 48 year old man who is in a secret sexual relationship with his older daughter Clotilde. As wrongly as this may sound to them it seems normal. The second daughter knew about the story and was so ashamed that she ran away with her boyfriend to South Africa and never came back. When Mrs. Ramos found about her daughter and her husband’s relationship she had a stroke and died after a while. The decision that Mr. Ramos made to stay in a love incest relationship with his daughter only caused death, pain, distraction and drug addiction in his own family. Even though this unfortunate incident happened in his family it never stopped him from being in a love affair with his daughter that ended up in a marriage with three children.

Celma2010

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Re: Celma's Proposal Paragraph

Post  NikaT on Mon Oct 11, 2010 1:52 pm

I like suck a complicated plot!
But you should proofread and edit this paragraph. In the first sentence you repeating a word family two times, which makes it sounds pure: "family is a very conservative family"....And a second sentence was so long and complicated that I loose an idea.
Good luck with complete narrative essay! Smile

NikaT

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