My proposal~!^^

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My proposal~!^^

Post  nanjoo on Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:14 pm

Absence of Health in the Midst of Wealth

These days, weight problems seen in children are among the most serious problems in Canada. Thus, comprehensive efforts of parents, food companies, and the government are suggested for preventing childhood obesity which is caused by physical, psychological, and social problems. There are some environmental causes of children being obese. Many parents have a hectic lifestyle, so they prepare “quick food” such as instant food and frozen food that has high calories. The government allows companies to install vending machines at schools. These reasons lead to children in Canada getting over weight. Moreover, childhood obesity causes serious physical and psychological problems in children, and it also leads to social issues. Physical “super-size” during childhood not only causes physiological problems, but also affects children’s mental health, because they can get depressed easily and they have a hard time forming social relationships. When these factors are present in society continuously, the Canadian government will have to face the consequences of serious health care issues because our children are the future of Canada. Fortunately, there are many recommendations for preventing and treating problems of childhood obesity. Basically, parents need to accept suggestions to get their children to adopt good eating habits, and to lead them towards being more active. Also, many food companies and the government are expressing their concern about health issues that are predicted for Canada’s future.

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Actually my first proposed topic was “Causes of Childhood Obesity in Canada”. However, Derek told me that I had better broaden the scope of my topic a little bit, so I changed my mind and finally decided on my topic: “Childhood Obesity in Canada”. What I understood is that this essay shouldn’t be persuasive, and we do not know the result before we’ve completed the essay because we are working from the visual status to the original source. Honestly, this essay is harder for me than the last one, so if you guys have any advice, please help me by giving your suggestions^^;;




nanjoo

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Post  Vianela on Sat Nov 20, 2010 2:00 am

Hi Nanjoo,

This would be an informative essay since your telling you readers about “Childhood Obesity in Canada”. Make sure you dont repeat yourself too much, you mention in the beginning that "childhood obesity causes serious physical and psychological problems in children, and it also leads to social issues". dont mention the same sentence again in the middle of the paragraph try explaining how does it cause those problem in children. and back up your ideas with your sources...

Cheers,

Vianela

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Post  NancyLove on Sat Nov 20, 2010 1:43 pm

Hi nanjoo,

So I read your proposal last night but wanted to wait and see what other people had to say before I actually replied to it. I would have to agree with Vianela about the repetition of sentences in your proposal. While reading it, I sometimes felt as if I was reading the same ideas over and over again. Try to avoid doing that and have a deadset plan on what you want to research and expand on it using sources to back you up. Goodluck with developing ideas for this essay. Childhood obesity in Canada is on the rise and quite frightening. I even heard something about parents outliving their children because of their poor eating habits these days. Inventions of new technology are also on the rise. Everyone (including kids) need to have the latest game system or the latest ipod. What parents don't realize is how INACTIVE children are becoming. Going outside to kick rocks (lol) or just running around isn't even an option for kids anymore since there's tv, ps3, nintendo wii and all the other gadgets to keep them occupied at home. Well anyway, I'm not sure if you want to incorporate all the things I just mentioned in your essay, but I hope it helps you think a little deeper into your topic. Again, goodluck with everything. Smile

NancyLove

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