2nd Body Paragraph of my essay

Hey, for my informative essay I'm tracing connections between Lesbian feminism and the Anti-Pornography movement in the 1980's. This is the second body paragraph of my essay. Any comments/suggestions would be much appreciated.


" It is according to this schema that one can/will begin to perceive the connection between the concerns that were developed and articulated by those writers associated (and who associated themselves) with Lesbian Feminism. The primary work from Lesbian Feminism(s) that was continued in the Anti-Pornography movement was a critical concern for the ways in which sexual intercourse engaged gendered power relations, with the aim of/to developing a proper ‘ethics’ of how sex ought to be practiced, who ought to have it, and with whom. It appears to be to this end that writers such as Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin offered their critiques of modern pornography (the difficulty and saliency/importance of referring to their critiques as addressing modern pornography will be discussed later in this essay). Catharine MacKinnon was a vocal advocate of, and decisive member associated with, the Anti-Pornography movement. Her most stringent criticisms aimed at placing restrictions on sexually explicit material that degraded, harmed, or devalued women in any manner. A main/key point of her critiques of pornography (pornography here being sexually explicit material that degrades, harms, or devalues women in any way) relates to the predisposition of the viewer of pornographic material(s). It is a significant point that her writings/critiques, and the writings of many of those involved in the debates of the ‘Sex Wars’, address concerns surrounding the viewing of pornography involving women as it is seen by a heterosexual male audience. This observation is pertinent when considering her criticisms of pornography. MacKinnon’s arguments suggest that when a (heterosexual) man watches pornography and receives an erection ‘from’ this viewing he is physically engaging in sexual intercourse with the actress on the screen (as the physical potential for engaging in such an act has been achieved, whether or not masturbatory activities are performed by the viewer), and given that this actress is represented in (and is, according to MacKinnon, involved in) a situation which is demeaning and degrading and dangerous to women, for a man to have an erection during such scenes indicates a physical pleasure in the presentation of women as such an object. And should he further masturbate to such an enactment of (and real situation performed) sexual slavery and criminal abuse, he is not only condoning and legitimating the production of such hateful material, but is actively engaged in consciously extracting pleasure from such a disgustingly unequal organization of (gendered) power relations. "

Hi Ryan,

You pick a very intersting essay topic and I really enjoy reading it. It was very imformative.
You have a great/strong writing skill but one of your sentences are bit too long.( 2nd sentence)
Long sentence has its tendency for the reader to lose or unable to capture the main point of the sentence and he/she might have to read twice to understand the whole concept.

Other then that..looks great.

Good luck