PROPOSAL AND FEEDBACK

Proposal: Now We'll Always be Together

Sarah and her boyfriend Daniel met in high school and have been dating for two years. They loved each other and spent every waking minute they had together. Sarah and Daniel decided to try and keep their relationship strong and together, so they apply to the same colleges. Unfortunately, Daniel doesn't end up making it into college and Sarah does. With Sarah's parents watching over her, frightened that she'll lose her independency as a women, they convince her to go to college. Sarah tries to explain this to Daniel but he starts to act different. As the college year starts to roll around Daniel and Sarah start arguing more and Daniel becomes more physically violent towards Sarah. Sarah trusting her boyfriend agrees to meet Daniel the day before she leaves for college to say goodbye. Daniel tries to convince Sarah to stay with him one last time but she still refuses, with that Daniel pulls out a gun and shoots Sarah in the head. Daniel looks down at her lifeless body in the grass and says "now we'll always be together". With that he puts the gun to his forehead and pulls the trigger.

FEEDBACK:
Good story overall but not making the ending so violent. Perhaps making the characters become depressed or perhaps resulting the couple to break up. Not everything has to end in violence. There's a lot i have to change about the story if I'm going to change the ending. Narrative essay should be in 6 paragraphs!