Proposal & Feedback

First Proposal:
Nancy and Ronald Johnson were high school sweethearts; they had married three years prior and seemed to be living the perfect life. Recently, Ronald had lost his job. This put a strain on the once perfect relationship. Ronald began drinking heavily and constantly accused Nancy of having an affair. Nancy felt as if she no longer loved Ronald, and decided to have an affair. This decision radically changed their lives. Nancy and her lover fell into a passionate, obsessive love affair. Ronald is discovered dead; it appeared as if he had committed suicide. However, Ronald had been murdered.

Feedback:
Derek said that my proposal sounded a bit “Hollywood” LOL. I have to agree. He suggested that I cut out the murder plot, and focus on building the characters and their relationships. What causes each character act the way they do? How does each character resolve the conflict within their lives? He even suggested that I put a bit of myself into the character of Nancy. Over all it was great feedback. Thanks Derek!

I redid my proposal with a more realistic approach; let me know what you guys think.

Second Proposal:
Nancy and Ronald Johnson are married, and from the outside their relationship seems perfect. However, it is filled with lies and deceit. Ronald has been having an affair; the guilt tares him apart, so he decides to confess to Nancy. When Nancy learns of this information revenge is on the forefront of her mind. She begins an affair with a younger man, named Solomon Smith. Nancy and her lover fall into a passionate, obsessive love affair. Nancy becomes torn between the life she knew with her husband, and the life she has with her lover.

Remember to use specific details to convey your ideas. Don't tell your reader about lies and deceit and affairs and revenge show them scenes of people lying, being deceitful having affairs and getting revenge.

Good luck with your plan.

Chenelle great story, I want to read the end of it once you done please post for us.