Which introduction would sound better?

My entire narrative is 1390. I need to trim it. The story is about a girl who have strive hard to achieving her dream. I was advised to trim the first paragraph of my narrative.

Original Paragraph:
My name is “Estrellita.” An old lady, whom I once helped to cross the street, told me that my name is as beautiful as my soul. I did not like my name because it was too long, but I was touched by her compliment. That same day, my friend Jenny, called me “Estrellita” again, though I would always remind her that my friends call me “Trely”. “There is something in your name that I really like,” she said. All this praise about my name made me smile every time I recalled it.


Revised Paragraph:
My name is “Estrellita.” I have often been complimented on my name, and this has made me happy each time I have recalled it. It reminds me that I have a purpose in life, and that I must try hard to achieve this.


Do you think my Revised Paragraph be OK as my introduction??? PLEASE HELP!

My name is Estrellita. An old lady I once helped across the street told me that my name was as beautiful as my soul. I didn't like my name because it was too long, but I was touched by her compliment. That same day, my friend Jenny, called me “Estrellita” again, though my friends usually called me “Trely”. “There is something in your name that I really like,” she said. I smile every time I recall it.

It actually became like this...

My name is “Estrellita.” I have often been complimented on my name, and this has made me happy each time I have recalled it. It reminds me that I have a purpose in life, and that I must try hard to achieve this.
A classmate once told me that I am lucky because I live just one building away from school. I agreed with her, not only because I live close by, but also because the route going home gave me so much joy. Along this route is a walkway with bright lights, trees with leaves that rustle as the breeze blows, and squirrels munching bits of food. Past these trees is the main gate of the building. One time, the front light was not working properly, and had been blinking like a Christmas light for several days. One night, I felt that something was different. I realized that the lights were off; the squirrels and the rustle of the leaves were “missing”. The silence was just too deafening, which reminded me of certain unpleasant memories. As my eyes were accustomed to the darkness, a sudden striking light came that seemed too bright and it felt like I was taken a thousand miles away from the present…