My new introduction.

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My new introduction.

Post  100665614 on Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:47 pm

For over 3 decades, a simple figure shape for electronic games has become more complex enabling technology to attract more players and the public spending more money on video games. Children play educational software routinely, and this has developed their skills and abilities more efficiently. Critics criticized the video games because of the increasing number of children who were not physically active, who did not participate in class activities, and who had trouble in social interaction. These children also exhibited increasingly aggressive behaviour, “the violent games lead them to perform poorly in school, argue with teachers, condone aggression and get into physical fights with their peers,” according to Fraser and Downs (2004). Some experts agree to allow kids to play video games and feel that they have good benefit in their development. There have been numerous studies about video games, two of which deal with their positive and negative effects as well as their influence on children. Both the negative and positive effects of video games on the general public are all supported with actual evidence.

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Re: My new introduction.

Post  Av6364 on Fri Dec 03, 2010 2:42 pm

The first sentence is unclear to me. Maybe you can try to clarify what the 'simple figure shape' is. If you are trying to describe the electronic games as a simple figure shape, you should rearrange the sentence so that it doesn't give readers the impression that you are talking about the 'simple figure shape' instead of the electronic games. In the next sentence, you should be more specific on what the children's skills and abilities are. Other than that, your introduction is good.

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